Defending Myself
On Monday my dad called me asking my opinion what i thought about doing something for mothers day with the whole family. He thought it would be great to have all the men in the family get together to cook for all the moms. I told him that I thought it was a great idea. I always love getting together with the family and of course good food. So he went ahead and called some of my male cousins to see what they thought and they agreed on making food and stuff for mothers day.
Side note: I assumed my dad would not be inviting my cousin, the one who sexually abused me when i was 8 years old. This cousin is married and has 3 beautiful girls.
Side note #2: I haven't been going to family gatherings lately since I do not want to see this particular cousin and his family. So hence as to why my dad asked my opinion about inviting the "whole" family.
Today, Thursday, I realized that my dad was inviting this particular cousin to the mothers day party BUT I wanted to also believe that he wasn't going to invite him since he knows everything that has gone on. So I called him to clarify... well I guess for him its just to hard not inviting this cousin to our mothers day party. He said that he can't do that and that he thought i knew he would be invited since he said it would be the whole family. I mentioned to him that I would really like to attend at least one family gathering with out having to see him. So in my dad's mind its just better to cancel the whole thing because he cannot not invite this cousin to our mothers day party.
Perplexed...tired...angry...disappointed...confused...
Why do we have to cancel a mothers day party that I was looking forwad to attend JUST because this cousin wouldn't be invited.
How many times have I had to stay home because I can't see his face without fearing that I will be triggered, that all the memories come back, that I am scared he is doing it someone else.
Dad, why can't you pick me for once?
Dad, its ok not to be ok.
Dad! He doesn't belong in our family anymore, since the day he laid a hand on me!
Why does he get to win?
Why does he take my family away?
Why do I have to defend my feelings?
Why do I need to ask for him not to be invited?
Why did this have to happen to me?
Why me?
I will share my story with you in due time. I am a survivor, behind my big beautiful smile.
Thank you
Side note: I assumed my dad would not be inviting my cousin, the one who sexually abused me when i was 8 years old. This cousin is married and has 3 beautiful girls.
Side note #2: I haven't been going to family gatherings lately since I do not want to see this particular cousin and his family. So hence as to why my dad asked my opinion about inviting the "whole" family.
Today, Thursday, I realized that my dad was inviting this particular cousin to the mothers day party BUT I wanted to also believe that he wasn't going to invite him since he knows everything that has gone on. So I called him to clarify... well I guess for him its just to hard not inviting this cousin to our mothers day party. He said that he can't do that and that he thought i knew he would be invited since he said it would be the whole family. I mentioned to him that I would really like to attend at least one family gathering with out having to see him. So in my dad's mind its just better to cancel the whole thing because he cannot not invite this cousin to our mothers day party.
Perplexed...tired...angry...disappointed...confused...
Why do we have to cancel a mothers day party that I was looking forwad to attend JUST because this cousin wouldn't be invited.
How many times have I had to stay home because I can't see his face without fearing that I will be triggered, that all the memories come back, that I am scared he is doing it someone else.
Dad, why can't you pick me for once?
Dad, its ok not to be ok.
Dad! He doesn't belong in our family anymore, since the day he laid a hand on me!
Why does he get to win?
Why does he take my family away?
Why do I have to defend my feelings?
Why do I need to ask for him not to be invited?
Why did this have to happen to me?
Why me?
I will share my story with you in due time. I am a survivor, behind my big beautiful smile.
Thank you
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