Where do i fit?
Sometimes i feel so lost. Like I don't know who I am or what I want in life anymore.
I've given up on so many things that use to want in life to make room for others and to better a situation or another.
I am currently working from home; being a stay at home mom. Working for the family company, cooking, cleaning, tending to everyone needs and wants, caring for my son, and anything else that can be added to the list.
Honestly, when I pictured myself with a family I never imagined being home. I imagined myself working and having a husband who was my support system in so many ways.
It makes me so sad to not have that beautiful harmonious relationship between my husband and i. We are not a team. I am here to make sure all his needs are meet, his goals are meet, his vision is meet. My needs, visions, goals, are not at play. The expectation, even if he says he doesn't expect it, is that I have clean house, cook every meal, stay on top of our finances, take care of the child's needs, make sure I am top of all the paperwork in our business, etc.
i am no good.
no good at keeping a clean house.
no good at saving money.
no good at keeping up with our finances.
no good at cooking.
no good at being a mom.
no good at being a wife.
no good at being what i am expected to be.
I am N O good.
I shouldn't have gotten married.
I shouldn't have brought my son into this world.
I should have stayed single and living with my parents. I would be happy their.
I miss being happy. I miss not feeling like i am suffocating under all of these expectations, debt, stress...
Where am I? What am i? Who am i?
I just want someone who will meet me half way. Who will cook a meal. Who can serve their own glass of water. who can find their own clothes. who will pick up their own underwear. who will go out of their way to help me or make me feel loved. someone who brings me at least a rose or a card on valentines day. someone who will go to church to please me. someone who won't throw any and all bad decisions ive made in life in my face. someone who sees me. someone who loves me for me. someone who doesn't look at my fat but instead i can see my beauty inside his eyes. someone who makes me feel like i am the luckiest girl in the world. someone who my parents like. someone who gives of his time to our son. someone who makes time for his family.
I am exhausted.
I am in pain. I heart broken.
Sometimes i feel so lost. Like I don't know who I am or what I want in life anymore.
I've given up on so many things that use to want in life to make room for others and to better a situation or another.
I am currently working from home; being a stay at home mom. Working for the family company, cooking, cleaning, tending to everyone needs and wants, caring for my son, and anything else that can be added to the list.
Honestly, when I pictured myself with a family I never imagined being home. I imagined myself working and having a husband who was my support system in so many ways.
It makes me so sad to not have that beautiful harmonious relationship between my husband and i. We are not a team. I am here to make sure all his needs are meet, his goals are meet, his vision is meet. My needs, visions, goals, are not at play. The expectation, even if he says he doesn't expect it, is that I have clean house, cook every meal, stay on top of our finances, take care of the child's needs, make sure I am top of all the paperwork in our business, etc.
i am no good.
no good at keeping a clean house.
no good at saving money.
no good at keeping up with our finances.
no good at cooking.
no good at being a mom.
no good at being a wife.
no good at being what i am expected to be.
I am N O good.
I shouldn't have gotten married.
I shouldn't have brought my son into this world.
I should have stayed single and living with my parents. I would be happy their.
I miss being happy. I miss not feeling like i am suffocating under all of these expectations, debt, stress...
Where am I? What am i? Who am i?
I just want someone who will meet me half way. Who will cook a meal. Who can serve their own glass of water. who can find their own clothes. who will pick up their own underwear. who will go out of their way to help me or make me feel loved. someone who brings me at least a rose or a card on valentines day. someone who will go to church to please me. someone who won't throw any and all bad decisions ive made in life in my face. someone who sees me. someone who loves me for me. someone who doesn't look at my fat but instead i can see my beauty inside his eyes. someone who makes me feel like i am the luckiest girl in the world. someone who my parents like. someone who gives of his time to our son. someone who makes time for his family.
I am exhausted.
I am in pain. I heart broken.
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